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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

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[nottheboss]

He looks at him, thinks that the real answer might hurt to hear.

"The real one."

[minuteofangle]

Okay, Gabe thinks. He sighs and he squeezes Bossie's arm. The kid's more fragile than some. A soldier, of course - a fighter. A survivor, in the end. But he's worried about Carver, and Carver's the one who protects Bossie. Everyone knows it. What happens when that balance gets disrupted?

This, Gabe realizes. This is what happens.

"Time," he replies, as gently as he can. "We embrace the suck and we keep fighting. But it's going to be hard for a while and that's just how it is."

[nottheboss]

He knows there are things you just have to go through to get through. He knows, too, that anything Hell did to Gabe and Carver has to be one of those things.

"Nothing helps?" He asks, his voice small. He'd do anything, anything at all, to help.

[minuteofangle]

"Didn't say that."

He squeezes Bossie's arm, gentle as he dares.

"You being there helps. Having his back, eating his food. Okay?"

[nottheboss]

"I can do that." Guard Carver's sleep, share meals with him. It just feels like too little too late. "How long was it before...before you could sleep?"

[minuteofangle]

Honest answers now, Gabe tells himself. He sighs and even if he hesitates for a moment, or longer than a moment, he tells the goddamn truth.

"Two years," he admits, a little softer. "But I didn't have anyone then, kid: it was just me."

[nottheboss]

"So it does help, having us here? Having Mancea?" He wonders if Carver will ever get there.

[minuteofangle]

"It does."

Gabe puffs out a breath. How honest is too honest in a moment like this? He realizes he doesn't know. No one ever gave him a roadmap for this.

"You know sometimes in the field, when you're in the shit and reflex takes over? And sometimes you catch a brother out of the corner of your eye and your body gets out down before they can shoot your ass? Only you know it's your brother, but you still get out of the way?"

He smiles a little crooked.

"I don't see shit anymore, kid, but I remember those moments. It's like that. Your body thinks one thing, even though you know better. Even if it's just for a second. But you don't ever pull the trigger, right? So even in the middle, even through all that reflex and training, part of you knows it's safe."

[nottheboss]

Maybe it never really heals. Maybe some wounds are like that.

"Are you happy?" Or is that a part of Gabe that's lost?

[minuteofangle]

"Kid..."

Gabe sighs. What a mess, he thinks. What a horrible goddamn mess they've gotten themselves tangled up in, haven't they?

"Did you know there's a bird's nest outside our window?" His smile is small. Maybe a little brittle. But there. "Robins. Mancea showed me when we first set up shop. Said they were the bluest eggs he'd ever seen. And then one day we heard them singing, and we knew they'd hatched. Ugly as sin, he says. But God, do they scream. Three little babies..."

There's a quiet sort of wonder in his tone.

"I have that, kid. And I got my man, and all you little fuckers. So yeah, kid: I'm happy. I have bad days and sometimes I have really goddamn awful dreams, but I have this. And nobody gets to take it from me."

[nottheboss]

He's not prepared for how relieved he is to hear it. To know it's true, because Gabe has them and he has robins.

It means Carver can be happy, too.

"Hell yeah you've got us." No matter what.

[minuteofangle]

Gabe nudges him. “Course I do. I know this is tough, Bossie. Believe me, I get it. But you’re doing a good thing. Carver knows you’ve got his back. You believe me?”

[nottheboss]

He thinks that from anyone else he'd be left feeling doubt. Not with Fifty though.

"Yeah I do. We'll get through this." He believes that now. Though that makes him worry about an entirely other problem.

"You think Riley will stay?"

[minuteofangle]

Optimism never came naturally to Gabe. But he understands what it means to decide you’re not going to lie down and die, regardless of cost. And he knows the kids need a brave face. This is their world, the shape their lives have taken. It has to be more than a horror, somehow.

“We will,” Gabe agrees softly. One way or another, he won’t let it be the thing that breaks them. “And I think he has to. He’s not one of us but he doesn’t deserve to die.”

[nottheboss]

"Yeah. It's just hard on Carver having him here, you know?" And Carver has enough to deal with.

"But yeah. We have to protect him."

[minuteofangle]

“I know,” Gabe admits. It’d be easier all around if they had somewhere else to stash Riley, but they just don’t. “How’re you doing with it?”

[nottheboss]

"I'm okay. I haven't slept yet, though, and I need to wait for Turner to get back from his run so he can watch me sleep." He stifles his yawn.

"How are you doing?"

[minuteofangle]

Gabe sighs and elbows Bossie fondly. "Take me back to my room. I'll stand guard and you can get a few hours. Maybe play with the kitten a bit, she's turned into a little monster."

Her teeth are starting to come in and of course she has to use them constantly.

"I'm taking it," he says after a moment. "One day at a time."

[nottheboss]

He's too tired to argue. Going to Fifty's room sounds perfect.

"Well maybe today can be a good day," he offers. Maybe there are things that can be done to make it so.

[minuteofangle]

"You know, it just might be. Carver already made breakfast - that's not a bad start, right?"

He sighs as they turn the corner to his and Mancea's room.

"Okay, I gotta warn you. The baby, she's little. But she's getting her teeth in and goddamn does she like to use 'em. They're like little needles, I swear."

[nottheboss]

He laughs. "Why am I not surprised that a kitten raised by you wants to use her teeth for everything? Goddamn." He doesn't mind. He'll wear the wounds with pride.

[minuteofangle]

"Excuse you. You implying I bite people?"

Gabe puffs himself up, mock-offended.

"I'll have you know I'm a gentleman of wealth and taste!"

[nottheboss]

"Oh bullshit, you're a terrier and you know it!" Bossie crows. "And we love that about you, Fifty. You'd bite a guy's throat right out for us and we know it."

[minuteofangle]

That prompts a laugh out of him, more bark than not. He reaches out, feeling for the door and then pushes it open. He and Mancea keep the kitten on a little pillow between them, the way he's heard parents do with babies. During the day, Gabe puts her in the playpen with the other kittens so they can go on maneuvers without risking a kitten getting accidentally squashed, but he likes having her close at night.

"I sure would," he drawls. "You got me, I admit it. Guilty as sin. Come say hi to the little monster - this is Cosita."

[nottheboss]

"Cosita," Bossie echoes, gently following the emphases Gabe places. he wants to get her name pronunciation right. He holds out his finger for her to smell, like he was trained to do with Shaw's dog. "Hi, little lady. Can I hold you?"