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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

Comments

[nottheboss]

"Worried about Carver. He's not sleeping. I stayed with him last night and got him to nap..." How long can that go on?

[minuteofangle]

Yeah. There's that. Gabe puffs out another breath, wondering what the hell they're going to do. He doesn't hear any yelling coming from the kitchen, so at least that's a start. But he remembers the fight that Riley and Carver had when this mess started and how things really haven't improved much since.

Demons are real. Monsters are out there. And they can get you in your dreams.

"How bad was it?" he asks softly.

[nottheboss]

"Really bad. He can't go more than like an hour before he starts having nightmares." He draws a shaky breath. "Whatever happened to him... It was hell, wasn't it?"

[minuteofangle]

Gabe doesn't say anything for a long moment. He lets Bossie guide him and listens to the sound of his breathing, the click of his boots against the ground.

"Yeah," Gabe replies, softer than he means. He shivers and then forces himself to breathe. To keep walking. "Yeah, kid, it was hell."

It's the only word that suffices.

[nottheboss]

"How do we win?" He's not used to feeling fear. He feels it now, though, like a weight.

[minuteofangle]

Ah.

"Well," Gabe replies slowly. "That's a hard one. You want the nice answer, or you want my real one?"

[nottheboss]

He looks at him, thinks that the real answer might hurt to hear.

"The real one."

[minuteofangle]

Okay, Gabe thinks. He sighs and he squeezes Bossie's arm. The kid's more fragile than some. A soldier, of course - a fighter. A survivor, in the end. But he's worried about Carver, and Carver's the one who protects Bossie. Everyone knows it. What happens when that balance gets disrupted?

This, Gabe realizes. This is what happens.

"Time," he replies, as gently as he can. "We embrace the suck and we keep fighting. But it's going to be hard for a while and that's just how it is."

[nottheboss]

He knows there are things you just have to go through to get through. He knows, too, that anything Hell did to Gabe and Carver has to be one of those things.

"Nothing helps?" He asks, his voice small. He'd do anything, anything at all, to help.

[minuteofangle]

"Didn't say that."

He squeezes Bossie's arm, gentle as he dares.

"You being there helps. Having his back, eating his food. Okay?"

[nottheboss]

"I can do that." Guard Carver's sleep, share meals with him. It just feels like too little too late. "How long was it before...before you could sleep?"

[minuteofangle]

Honest answers now, Gabe tells himself. He sighs and even if he hesitates for a moment, or longer than a moment, he tells the goddamn truth.

"Two years," he admits, a little softer. "But I didn't have anyone then, kid: it was just me."

[nottheboss]

"So it does help, having us here? Having Mancea?" He wonders if Carver will ever get there.

[minuteofangle]

"It does."

Gabe puffs out a breath. How honest is too honest in a moment like this? He realizes he doesn't know. No one ever gave him a roadmap for this.

"You know sometimes in the field, when you're in the shit and reflex takes over? And sometimes you catch a brother out of the corner of your eye and your body gets out down before they can shoot your ass? Only you know it's your brother, but you still get out of the way?"

He smiles a little crooked.

"I don't see shit anymore, kid, but I remember those moments. It's like that. Your body thinks one thing, even though you know better. Even if it's just for a second. But you don't ever pull the trigger, right? So even in the middle, even through all that reflex and training, part of you knows it's safe."

[nottheboss]

Maybe it never really heals. Maybe some wounds are like that.

"Are you happy?" Or is that a part of Gabe that's lost?

[minuteofangle]

"Kid..."

Gabe sighs. What a mess, he thinks. What a horrible goddamn mess they've gotten themselves tangled up in, haven't they?

"Did you know there's a bird's nest outside our window?" His smile is small. Maybe a little brittle. But there. "Robins. Mancea showed me when we first set up shop. Said they were the bluest eggs he'd ever seen. And then one day we heard them singing, and we knew they'd hatched. Ugly as sin, he says. But God, do they scream. Three little babies..."

There's a quiet sort of wonder in his tone.

"I have that, kid. And I got my man, and all you little fuckers. So yeah, kid: I'm happy. I have bad days and sometimes I have really goddamn awful dreams, but I have this. And nobody gets to take it from me."

[nottheboss]

He's not prepared for how relieved he is to hear it. To know it's true, because Gabe has them and he has robins.

It means Carver can be happy, too.

"Hell yeah you've got us." No matter what.

[minuteofangle]

Gabe nudges him. “Course I do. I know this is tough, Bossie. Believe me, I get it. But you’re doing a good thing. Carver knows you’ve got his back. You believe me?”

[nottheboss]

He thinks that from anyone else he'd be left feeling doubt. Not with Fifty though.

"Yeah I do. We'll get through this." He believes that now. Though that makes him worry about an entirely other problem.

"You think Riley will stay?"

[minuteofangle]

Optimism never came naturally to Gabe. But he understands what it means to decide you’re not going to lie down and die, regardless of cost. And he knows the kids need a brave face. This is their world, the shape their lives have taken. It has to be more than a horror, somehow.

“We will,” Gabe agrees softly. One way or another, he won’t let it be the thing that breaks them. “And I think he has to. He’s not one of us but he doesn’t deserve to die.”

[nottheboss]

"Yeah. It's just hard on Carver having him here, you know?" And Carver has enough to deal with.

"But yeah. We have to protect him."

[minuteofangle]

“I know,” Gabe admits. It’d be easier all around if they had somewhere else to stash Riley, but they just don’t. “How’re you doing with it?”

[nottheboss]

"I'm okay. I haven't slept yet, though, and I need to wait for Turner to get back from his run so he can watch me sleep." He stifles his yawn.

"How are you doing?"

[minuteofangle]

Gabe sighs and elbows Bossie fondly. "Take me back to my room. I'll stand guard and you can get a few hours. Maybe play with the kitten a bit, she's turned into a little monster."

Her teeth are starting to come in and of course she has to use them constantly.

"I'm taking it," he says after a moment. "One day at a time."

[nottheboss]

He's too tired to argue. Going to Fifty's room sounds perfect.

"Well maybe today can be a good day," he offers. Maybe there are things that can be done to make it so.