(no subject)

[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

Comments

[nottheboss]

"Eat with me," he urges. "I can't do it alone anymore. I'm fucked. I need other people to enjoy my meals with me."

And there is a meal here, pancakes and bacon and eggs. He lifts his fork in salute.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Ah, hey, don't say that," he murmurs. He puts an arm around Bossie, bumping their heads together. "I got your back, don't I?"

Somehow, they'll figure this out.

"Least the food is good, yeah?"

[nottheboss]

"Hell yeah. The food's perfect," he grins, wavering a little, holding a hand at the back of Carver's head. "Thanks."

He's okay as long as he has his brothers with him. As long as he has Carver here.

[fortitudosalutis]

Good, Carver thinks, some of the tension bleeding out. He bumps his head against Bossie’s and stays close to him, almost cheek to cheek. An intimacy.

“I won’t always be like this,” he murmurs. “I’m really trying, kid.”

[nottheboss]

"I know you are. You've been through hell. It's okay if it hurts right now." He gets it. He's frankly impressed with how well Carver has been handling it.

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver closes his eyes a moment, listening to the hiss of grease and Bossie’s breathing. Trying to center himself, to be steady the way he knows David needs him to be steady.

“Wish we didn’t have to be on all the time,” he admits. “But we have to be. There’s no relief. We fuck up, then bad shit happens.”

[nottheboss]

A soft sigh. Yeah. It's hard. It's exhausting.

"I got your back. You slip up, I'll catch you. We've all got you, Carve. Don't worry."

[fortitudosalutis]

It helps to hear that, a little. Carver breathes out slow. "I'm supposed to be the one who catches you," he murmurs. "That's my job, little brother."

[nottheboss]

He'd thrilled the first time Carver called him that. Little brother.

"What kind of brother would I be if I didn't return the favor? You're mine, you know. I take care of what's mine."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver huffs at him, then takes a chance and just kisses Bossie on the cheek. Another intimacy, another quiet kindness. Maybe a line that shouldn't be crossed, but he thinks they both want to feel human. That they need it on some level. And how else can they be human?

They don't touch each other much, Carver's realized. Not unless they're hurting. Maybe there's a better way.

"I gotta tend to the sausages," he murmurs. "Or they're gonna burn. Eat your pancakes."

[nottheboss]

Bossie, who is hopelessly touch starved, shivers slightly at that light kiss. He strokes Carver's hair, looks him in the eye for a moment, yearning for...for he doesn't even know what.

"Yessir," he says with a little smile. "I'm not gonna let it get cold."

That would insult the chef, wouldn't it? And he won't do that. He's getting special treatment and it is, he has to admit, inflating his ego a little bit.

[fortitudosalutis]

This close, it's impossible to miss that reaction. Carver hums, quiet and fond, and musses Bossie's hair. Just because, he tells himself, but truthfully there's a part of him that wants to get their kittens and some weed and just lie down together. Rest for a few hours and get high out of their minds. That'd be nice.

He returns to the food, though. He has a job to do.

"How're the others doing?" Carver murmurs. "I know you pay attention."

[nottheboss]

Bossie wolfs down his food. He moans, at that first bite. It's just so good; so rarely enjoyed. And Carver made it just for him.

"They're okay. Austin's the only one I worry about right now. ...And you. I'm sorry but I do...worry about you."

[fortitudosalutis]

Yeah. He'd figured that, Carver thinks. And he breathes out and takes a moment to focus on the cooking, adding another round of pancakes to the burner. It takes a lot to feed the entire company.

"I know," Carver admits, glancing at Bossie. "I know. I don't like making people worry."

But he is. He'd be doing the same in their shoes.

"How's Austin now?"

[nottheboss]

He finishes the last of his pancakes. Draws a breath. "He's struggling, sir. But he's trying. He's fighting. That's all anyone can do, isn't it? Just keep on fighting?"

[fortitudosalutis]

Is it? Carver looks away, focusing on the burner and all the food he's responsible for. He breathes out.

"We're all doing our best," he agrees softly. "Does anything help?"

[nottheboss]

"Nothing that'll last. Having his ex and his kid here keeps him focused but they're not going to stay." They can't, even if they wanted to. And Bossie knows firsthand that Rochelle does not want to stay here with them.

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver scrubs a hand through his hair, trying to think. He's gotten pretty good at managing the younger soldiers over the years through some bad times, but this is different. This is a monster with a thousand faces that catches them when they're waking or dreaming and it hardly matters which.

"I'll talk to them," he murmurs. "See if we can stretch it a little longer."

[nottheboss]

Bossie nods. It's a good idea. "I hope you can. But sooner or later we have to prove to them the threat's real, right? Show them Gabe's trick, or...or worse."

[fortitudosalutis]

Or worse. Carver puffs out a breath, then returns to flipping pancakes. "We'll start with Fifty's trick. Ease them into it."

But when that's not enough?

"They're not safe, is the thing. And I don't know when they will be."

[nottheboss]

"I know." He has no idea how to communicate that to Austin, though. "But maybe when they see what we're up against they'll choose to stay. We can keep them safe."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver nods slowly, trying his best to hide the doubt. That won't help anyone. It'll just make everyone sad.

"Can you do me a favor, little brother? Can you check on Riley and Dulcinea?" Carver swallows hard, trying and failing to smile. "It's - it's awkward when I come around. But we can get things for them, to make it easier. Could you ask what he needs?"

[nottheboss]

"Yessir." He wonders if this makes him a spy. But if it would make things easier for Carver? He'd do anything.

"You want me to go tell him it's time for breakfast...?"

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver swallows, then nods. "Yeah. Bring him some coffee. I'll make it up the way he likes."

Sweetened, with cream. They have real cream here. A few small creature comforts.

[nottheboss]

"I hope he likes it as much as you do." Hopes it'll be enough to soften Riley up enough to answer any questions.