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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

Comments

[fortitudosalutis]

"Get a soft one. You and the others can decorate it. Put some unit patches on it."

Pope will like that, he thinks. Having things uniform.

Carver pauses as he gets his clothes back on, grinning at Bossie. "No shit? He takes it hiking or something?"

[nottheboss]

"Yeah! Hiking, biking, to the cafe." It'd be fun, he thinks, having a furry little sidekick. He'd always kind of envied Delaney and Shaw with their dogs, but with Louis it could be even better. Louis will never have to risk his life taking down a terrorist or sniffing for bombs.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Well, now you gotta get one," Carver teases, kneeling down to lace up his boots. He's deliberate about it, tucking the laces in. Do a thing so many times and it becomes almost thoughtless, reflexive. Better to do it right. "It's your fate, man."

It'd be pretty cute, he has to admit. Bossie with a backpack and a cute little cat.

[nottheboss]

"You know it's funny, but I'm not as jumpy when I've got Louis around." He still watches the corners, still marks exits and keeps an eye on hands as they move, but it's easier on his mind with the kitten around. "That's not a weakness is it?"

Not a sin, to maybe need the kitten a little.

[fortitudosalutis]

"No," Carver murmurs. "I don't think so. It's the same for me."

The same for Shaw and Delaney too, he thinks, with their dogs. They're steadier in that company.

"We're taking care of them, like Pope wanted. Proving we still can - that we can be kind, see? That's important, Bossie."

[nottheboss]

"I didn't think I could still be," he admits, cautiously. "Until Mancea put Louis in my hands and gave me a bottle I thought- I thought that part of me was dead."

He doesn't know why kindness should matter to Pope but he is desperately glad that it does.

[fortitudosalutis]

It stings to hear the same fear that Carver’s been hiding deep inside his chest from someone else. He stills for a moment as they walk, a hitch in his step as he tucks Kali’s basket closer to his chest. Protecting her, shielding her—from what?

Maybe the world.

“It’s not,” Carver murmurs. “I promise it’s not. I was scared that I’d hurt her, she was so small…but then I listen to her purr, I feel her press into my hand…”

He sighs.

“I feel like a person then.”

[nottheboss]

"You're a good person, Carve." He glances up at him, thinks Carver probably won't believe him. He wouldn't believe anyone telling him anything like it, if things were reversed.

"I like seeing this side of you, when you're taking care of her. You look...peaceful." Not a thing one sees often in Brandon Carver.

[fortitudosalutis]

A good person. Carver smiles, a little sadly, and thinks he hasn't been that for years. But he tries to be good to Bossie, to the kittens. To his students. He tries and maybe it matters.

"It helps," he admits. "I know they need me on the frontline but I liked being an instructor better."

[nottheboss]

They're all frontline now, in the Reapers. Going private means Carver has given up on any real instructor gigs for the foreseeable future.

"You got any regrets about leaving the Army?"

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver sighs at that, turning into the kitchen. It's spotless, as always. He flicks the lights on. "I wish it'd been the Army I thought it was at the beginning."

That, he has regrets about losing.

"But they treated everyone I love like trash. What they did to Riley -" Carver shakes his head. "I couldn't be a part of that, Bossie."

[nottheboss]

"They treated you like shit, too." He'll never forget--or forgive--the way they skipped over Carver for promotion.

He goes to the sink to wash his hands. He hasn't slept yet and he's starting to feel it, in the jagged way his body is giving him energy. "I'm going to make some coffee, you want any?"

[fortitudosalutis]

Yeah, well.

Carver sighs and adjusts Kali’s basket, stroking her gently before washing his hands in turn. He’ll make Bossie pancakes and a couple egg bakes for the rest of them. Lay out fruit and some sausages, plenty of protein. Good, hearty food.

“God, yes,” he murmurs. “I’m running on coffee these days.”

[nottheboss]

"Austin ordered an espresso machine from Italy," he grins. "Soon as it gets here we can have the fancy drinks."

It sure beats the instant coffee they had in their rations overseas. Simple drip coffee still feels like a luxury.

"How long d'you think Anders will agree to stay here with us?"

[fortitudosalutis]

"No shit?"

Carver cracks a smile at that.

"We even gonna be able to use that thing? We might need Anchetta to reprogram it for our simple souls."

It's easier to joke, to make fun of them all. There's no teeth in it. No venom. But the other question looms unanswered. Carver breathes out and turns on the burners, pulling out sausages and pancake mix.

"I don't know," Carver admits quietly. "Not much longer if we don't tell him about the demons."

[nottheboss]

"Austin's girlfriend has been hounding me for answers too. We have to tell them the truth. But then we have to prove to them we're not fucking crazy. And I don't know how to do that."

Not without putting them in real danger.

[fortitudosalutis]

He takes a moment to lay out the eggs and the oil, to get some of the remaining vanilla extract, because they might as well have good pancakes. There aren't any easy answers to be had.

"Think we gotta have Fifty do his teleporter trick," Carver admits. "I'm not seeing another way around it."

[nottheboss]

"It's a pretty cool trick," he admits. "I think it'll freak out Rochelle. But maybe in a good way."

Maybe if they understand what's at stake they'll stay here, where it's safer.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Better than springing a demon on her. But it's a good demonstration, yeah? Little shock and awe, then we ease them into the rest."

The demon shit, mostly. He flicks some water droplets onto the skillet, testing the heat, and begins pouring the pancake batter.

"I want Riley to stay," he admits. "I know he doesn't want to, but it's safer. Right?"

[nottheboss]

"It is safer." No one can deny that it's safer inside the wards than without. "But it's gotta be hard on you, having him so close all the time. If it was my ex? I don't know, man."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver focuses on the pancakes for a moment. Getting the pour right. Making sure they're more or less even before he returns to the sausages. Everything has to be done just so. There's a sequence. An order to things. And in order, something like peace and calm.

"I kissed him," Carver admits after a moment, very softly. "He didn't get mad or anything. Just shook his head."

[nottheboss]

"He still cares about you, Brandon. Even if he can't...be with you." It's plain to see. No one would be hiding out here, of all places, without there still being something like trust involved. "That's why I'm worried about you."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver bows his head, watching bubbles slowly forming in the batter. He listens to the grease sizzle and feels - better, maybe. Closer to himself.

"I miss him so much," he murmurs. "I know I can't get it back, but I miss it."

[nottheboss]

"Yeah. And how are you supposed to not miss him when he's right there in your face here?" It was a mistake, he thinks, bringing Rochelle and the baby and Riley here. It's only going to be that much harder on Carver and Austin when they leave again.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Yeah," he agrees quietly, watching the pancakes cook. Not quite time to flip yet, he thinks. Give it a few more seconds. "But what else could we do?"