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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

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[fortitudosalutis]

“Good,” Carver murmurs, already half gone. It’s a nice thought. A future dream. Maybe they can’t take it for a while, or maybe ever, but it’s something to hope for. A better plan than just another expanse of sleepless, ugly nightmares.

He drifts. And if he twitches and flinches sometimes, he doesn’t cry out or try to bite himself.

[nottheboss]

Bossie stays alert, his fingers still moving through Carver's hair. If he stops, he fears the change will make Carver on edge, which might bring on a nightmare.

He stays there, awake and present, even when his leg falls asleep with Carver's head resting on top of it. It's worth it.

Hours pass. He'll be here as long as it takes.

[fortitudosalutis]

He sleeps uneasily for several hours, but he sleeps. The dreams twist and churn, but they don't choke him. Not this time.

Funny.

Carver opens his eyes slowly, blinking at the numbers on the bedside clock as they gleam in blurry read. 0600.

"Shit," he murmurs, scrubbing at his face. "I'm late for kitchen duty."

[nottheboss]

The sky outside is light and he knows he should have woken Carver up an hour ago, but, "You looked like you needed to sleep," he apologizes.

He picks up Kali so Carver doesn't accidentally roll onto her. "I'll help you."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver groans, scrubbing at his face again. "Okay," he murmurs. God, he needs coffee. Or an energy drink. "Fuck. Give me a minute to clean up."

Make himself even marginally presentable.

"Kali okay?"

[nottheboss]

"She's good," he can promise, holding her close. "I'll feed her while you get showered. Quick though, Pope's gonna come looking for you soon."

[fortitudosalutis]

Is there enough time to shower? Maybe if he's fast. Carver sighs, then reaches over to stroke Kali briefly and press his forehead to Bossie's.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "I owe you."

[nottheboss]

"Hey, I got you, remember?" No matter what. He squeezes the back of Carver's neck and then ducks away to make up a bottle for Kali.

It's hard to get her to focus on eating, it turns out. With her one eye open she's eager to see more of the world, and it leaves Bossie murmuring to her, trying to bribe her into eating all her breakfast.

[fortitudosalutis]

He showers quickly, turning the water up as high as it goes. The heat pounds against his skull as Carver scrubs his hair, working cheap soap over his aching joints. Most of it's left over from when this place was a hotel, years old, full of strangers and stories. But it does the job, more or less, and he feels closer to awake when he returns dressed in fresh clothes.

"She eating good?" Carver murmurs.

[nottheboss]

"She's being pretty picky. Only got half a bottle in her. She wants to go exploring, Carve." He holds the kitten and the half full bottle out to him. Tries, best as he can, not to get an eyeful of Carver in nothing but a damp towel. Goddammit.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Fussy, huh?" He takes Kali carefully, murmuring to her. His hair's still damp and she likes to nose at it, so he lifts her up so she can smell it, play a little as she squeaks. He smiles at Bossie, tired but not so worn down. A little closer to human. "She giving you grief?"

[nottheboss]

"I think she wants you," he says warmly, watching her nose at Carver's hair. "You've got the magic touch."

[fortitudosalutis]

“My girl,” he murmurs, nuzzling against her. She still smells like milk and warmth, like sunshine on a good fall day. “Hey? Don’t give Bossie sass.”

Kali squeaks indignantly. Carver huffs at her.

“I’ll get her basket,” he murmurs. “She can hang while we cook.”

[nottheboss]

"She'll like that. I'd bring Louis but he's getting in the habit of climbing all the way up my leg until I hold him. Not a great kitchen partner." He loves how curious his kitten is, though.

[fortitudosalutis]

"We should get a playpen," Carver realizes, kissing Kali's head before he lays her down with great care in her basket. He adjusts the blankets and checks her toy, her one eye following him. And that's something, isn't it, realizing she recognizes him. That she's learning his shape, not just his scent. "Then they can go nuts but we can keep an eye on 'em."

[nottheboss]

"I'll pick one up when I go get supplies today," Bossie says, cheered by the thought of being able to keep the cats closer. He thinks it'd help them all, but maybe Carver especially.

"You know I saw on YouTube this guy, he takes his cat on adventures. Has a little backpack with a window for the cat to look out of."

[fortitudosalutis]

"Get a soft one. You and the others can decorate it. Put some unit patches on it."

Pope will like that, he thinks. Having things uniform.

Carver pauses as he gets his clothes back on, grinning at Bossie. "No shit? He takes it hiking or something?"

[nottheboss]

"Yeah! Hiking, biking, to the cafe." It'd be fun, he thinks, having a furry little sidekick. He'd always kind of envied Delaney and Shaw with their dogs, but with Louis it could be even better. Louis will never have to risk his life taking down a terrorist or sniffing for bombs.

[fortitudosalutis]

"Well, now you gotta get one," Carver teases, kneeling down to lace up his boots. He's deliberate about it, tucking the laces in. Do a thing so many times and it becomes almost thoughtless, reflexive. Better to do it right. "It's your fate, man."

It'd be pretty cute, he has to admit. Bossie with a backpack and a cute little cat.

[nottheboss]

"You know it's funny, but I'm not as jumpy when I've got Louis around." He still watches the corners, still marks exits and keeps an eye on hands as they move, but it's easier on his mind with the kitten around. "That's not a weakness is it?"

Not a sin, to maybe need the kitten a little.

[fortitudosalutis]

"No," Carver murmurs. "I don't think so. It's the same for me."

The same for Shaw and Delaney too, he thinks, with their dogs. They're steadier in that company.

"We're taking care of them, like Pope wanted. Proving we still can - that we can be kind, see? That's important, Bossie."

[nottheboss]

"I didn't think I could still be," he admits, cautiously. "Until Mancea put Louis in my hands and gave me a bottle I thought- I thought that part of me was dead."

He doesn't know why kindness should matter to Pope but he is desperately glad that it does.

[fortitudosalutis]

It stings to hear the same fear that Carver’s been hiding deep inside his chest from someone else. He stills for a moment as they walk, a hitch in his step as he tucks Kali’s basket closer to his chest. Protecting her, shielding her—from what?

Maybe the world.

“It’s not,” Carver murmurs. “I promise it’s not. I was scared that I’d hurt her, she was so small…but then I listen to her purr, I feel her press into my hand…”

He sighs.

“I feel like a person then.”

[nottheboss]

"You're a good person, Carve." He glances up at him, thinks Carver probably won't believe him. He wouldn't believe anyone telling him anything like it, if things were reversed.

"I like seeing this side of you, when you're taking care of her. You look...peaceful." Not a thing one sees often in Brandon Carver.

[fortitudosalutis]

A good person. Carver smiles, a little sadly, and thinks he hasn't been that for years. But he tries to be good to Bossie, to the kittens. To his students. He tries and maybe it matters.

"It helps," he admits. "I know they need me on the frontline but I liked being an instructor better."