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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

Comments

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver nuzzles against Bossie, cupping a hand to the back of his neck. Trying to soothe him instinctively. That's his job, isn't it? Keeping the kids steady, like Shaw did for him.

"Yeah," Carver admits quietly. "Or one like it."

It's all the time now.

[nottheboss]

"A doctor told me there's a sleep pill that makes it so you don't dream. But you couldn't take it on nights you had to work the next day, it makes you sleep like sixteen hours..." So Bossie turned it down. But Bossie doesn't dream every night about the things that make him wake up screaming.

[fortitudosalutis]

Yeah. It'd be different if they weren't on high alert, maybe. If they weren't training every day.

Carver sighs, breathing out slow. He feels calmer now, at least. Marginally.

"Riley told me about melatonin. But he said it can make the bad dreams worse sometimes, and you can't take it all the time or it fucks you up. Haven't tried it yet."

[nottheboss]

"I tried melatonin." It didn't go well, he doesn't say. Maybe it will be better for Carver. "Tried benadryl and that helped a little, until it didn't. Austin gave me some muscle relaxers that were real nice but they made me dead on my feet the next day."

[fortitudosalutis]

"Tried some weed," Carver admits. "That was nice. But I was pretty much comatose for the rest of the day. Mancea wasn't happy about it."

Be nice if there was a pill he could take to kill the dreams, wouldn't it?

[nottheboss]

"Fucking sucks that every option means we're just like the living dead after we take it," he sighs. There are no easy solutions. There aren't even really palatable ones.

"But if you want to do weed or something on your day off I could stand guard while you sleep."

[fortitudosalutis]

Oh, Carver thinks, momentarily thrown by that. He's quiet for a long moment, just listening to Kali's purring and Bossie's breathing. They're tangled up in each other now, pressed close. All three of them.

"...maybe," he says after a while. "If I've got a day off."

He won't for a while.

[nottheboss]

Yeah that's the rub, isn't it? They don't really get days off anymore. The Devil doesn't rest, so they can't afford to either.

"I'm worried about you," he confesses quietly.

[fortitudosalutis]

"'s not your job," Carver replies gently. He bumps his head against Bossie's. "And I love you, kid. You know I've got your back, right?"

It hurts to know he's been so affected that his students have noticed.

[nottheboss]

"I know you do." He bumps Carver back, rests his forehead there against Carver's temple. "You're my family. I want to help. You don't have to shut me out just 'cause you outrank me."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver just closes his eyes, listening to Kali purr. Sometimes, he doesn't think he'd make it without the little kitten. She needs to be fed every few hours. She wouldn't understand if he let her go hungry.

"I can't sleep, Bossie," he confesses. "I'm so tired."

[nottheboss]

"I know." He hurts for him. He's so, so scared for him. Carver can't go on like this. "You think you could try again? Get just twenty minutes--I'll wake you up before the dream starts?"

[fortitudosalutis]

No, Carver starts to say. But that's weak, isn't it? He has time to sleep. It's not like they're on a job and can't risk slowing down. There's time here. And he's scared.

He shouldn't be. It's a weakness. A sin.

He shivers. "Maybe."

[nottheboss]

"You got this," Bossie says, reaching up, stroking Carver's hair gently. "I'll wake you up before it gets bad. You just gotta get a little sleep in. Just a little."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver presses his forehead to Bossie's, closing his eyes tight. Exhaustion drags at his soul. He's so, so tired.

"Okay," he whispers. "Take Kali?"

He can't risk having her too close. Not with the nightmares this bad. He couldn't bear hurting her by accident.

[nottheboss]

He takes the little kitten, holds her very carefully in one hand up against his chest.

He squeezes the back of Carver's neck. "Lie down. I'll wake you up, I promise." A little sip of sleep has to be better than this.

[fortitudosalutis]

Pressure helps, Carver thinks absently. Hasn't he learned that from Leah? Touch is fraught, difficult, it can cause a startle reaction.

But it helps, too. In certain circumstances.

He bumps his head against Bossie's and lies back down. Wrapping his arms around himself. He'll try to sleep. At least for a little.

[nottheboss]

"You care if I stay right here?" He'll be better able to wake Carver peacefully before the dreams start if he's nearby. But also, he thinks, maybe it might comfort Carver to feel someone he trusts nearby. It helps Bossie stay asleep even if he struggles with getting there.

[fortitudosalutis]

Oh.

He hesitates for a long moment. Then:

"I'm not allowed to have knives nearby. I might hit you, though."

[nottheboss]

"'S okay. You've hit me before." A little smile. He's hit Carver, too, waking up rough. "I'll be careful."

[fortitudosalutis]

Yeah. They all have that in common, now. Waking up rough. Better than not waking up at all, though. And those are the stakes, Carver knows. There are worse things - always.

At least they have each other.

He swallows hard, then nods and pulls his arm over his face. "Thanks, kid."

[nottheboss]

He holds Kali to his chest and gets her to sleep, too, stroking her little back. He watches Carver all the while, with all the patience he has as a sniper, making sure Carver's dreams don't encroach.

Twenty minutes passes fast but then he reaches out, touches Carver. "Hey, man, it's time. Wake up."

[fortitudosalutis]

Maybe it’s a kindness that he only drifts, doesn’t let himself fall completely to sleep. Maybe he’s too tense for it.

Either way, Carver stirs, bleary, dropping his arm. “Kali okay?” he murmurs.

[nottheboss]

"She's sleeping like an angel," he grins, tilting slightly so Carver can see her curled up under the protection of Bossie's hand.

"Maybe we just gotta be like her and the other babies. Take little cat naps." Never dream again.

[fortitudosalutis]

Hello, little one. Carver's expression softens ever so slightly and he sits up, rubbing a hand through his hair. "They got the right idea," he murmurs. "Sometimes she gets bad dreams, I think, but I can usually settle her down if I hold her."

Maybe it's his scent that calms her down, or the heat of his hands. Something.