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[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

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[fortitudosalutis]

Sometimes in moments like this, Carver thinks he’s having a heart attack. That it doesn’t matter he’s still pretty goddamn young, his heart is pounding itself out of his chest and everything hurts, especially to breathe, and something has to give.

He shudders, digging his nails into the mattress. “I didn’t—did I hurt you?” Carver hisses. He can’t remember if he swung at Bossie or not.

[nottheboss]

"No, we're good." He sits on the edge of the bed, watching Carver. "It's okay. Breathe, remember? It helps. Just breathe."

[fortitudosalutis]

Breathe. You aren’t dying, you aren’t lost. Carver digs his nails into his knees, heart still pounding, his skull aching under the weight of the dream and the exhaustion that came before it. What was it that Pope told him? Count the blue things. Name them.

He breathes; too sharp, too shaky.

“Uh, fuck. Kali okay?” he tries.

[nottheboss]

"Yeah," he reaches over and picks her up again and she mewls in alarm. "Do you want to hold her? Hold her and breathe, just focus on being calm for her, okay?"

There are times that's the only thing that gets Bossie to calm down: because he's doing it for someone else.

[fortitudosalutis]

“Uh huh,” Carver manages, realizing only belatedly that his hand is throbbing. He bit himself hard enough to draw blood. But he holds his hands out for Kali, swallowing hard.

You have to be careful with the kittens. You can’t hold them too tight.

[nottheboss]

"Easy," Bossie urges, and sets her delicately in his hands. He sees the blood then and ducks into the bathroom, gets the first aid kit and comes back. "Let me see...?"

[fortitudosalutis]

“Hi, baby,” he murmurs, rubbing her gently with his fingers. She cries, distressed, and Carver starts to tuck her under his chin, going still. He holds her carefully, suddenly dumbstruck. “One of her eyes is open,” he murmurs, staring at her.

The left eye is open, a bright baby blue. She can see him.

[nottheboss]

"What? No way," Bossie forgets the bandage for a second, leaning over to see for himself. He grins. "Holy shit. You're the first thing she's ever seen, Carve."

[fortitudosalutis]

He hefts her, wiggling his fingers in front of Kali to see if she’ll track it. If she’s figured out what it means to be able to see. Her head turns and she wiggles, following the motion.

“Oh,” Carver murmurs, hopelessly charmed. For a moment, he forgets the panic of the nightmare. “Look at her, Bossie.”

[nottheboss]

"You gonna be a big hunter, huh?" He croons at her, sitting beside Carver, watching a kitten figure out a whole new dimension to the world.

"We can't ever let anything bad happen to them," he says softly to Carver. How can they live with themselves if they let anything harm these little creatures?

[fortitudosalutis]

She squeaks, wiggling, and Carver lays her down gently on his lap. She trundles over to his chest, pawing at him. Good girl, he thinks, sweet girl, and cups his hand protectively around her.

“Nothing bad,” he agrees softly. “They’ve never hurt anyone.”

Surely animals don’t deserve that.

[nottheboss]

"Look at that," Bossie murmurs. "she already knows you're her Papa."

Pope won't make them hurt these cats, he prays. He doesn't think he could bear it.

"Let me see your hand, brother. I'll get you patched up."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver rocks, curling into himself, but ultimately offers his hand out. He can’t make himself look at Bossie. It’s not the first time he’s bitten himself. The gloves he wears hide it, though.

Pope would be ashamed. Pope taught him better.

“How big’s yours now?” Carver murmurs.

[nottheboss]

"He just started all solid food," Bossie says, not making a big thing about bandaging his brother's hand. Making like he does this every day, like no one would even look twice at them for this. "He likes fish but he hates chicken. Already got big opinions. And he's noisy, too. He's got a funny little meow, you should hear him."

He cleans the wound, dries it. Wraps it. "He's going to need shots soon. Man. Baby's first doctor visit. But cats don't get scared like human babies do, do they?"

[fortitudosalutis]

"Picky little man," Carver murmurs, stroking Kali's back. It stings a little as Bossie tends to his hand, but he doesn't flinch. If they don't acknowledge it, then maybe it didn't really happen.

A lot of wounds are like that now.

"I don't know," Carver admits. "Kali didn't like it when we were singing cadence for PT, but she got used to it eventually. Maybe they get scared of cat things."

[nottheboss]

"Aw yeah but who can blame her? Austin's always off key," he teases. He finishes wrapping Carver's hand and then he packs up the kit, and watches Carver and the kitten fondly. "Will you come with me to the vet when it's time?"

[fortitudosalutis]

"Yeah."

Carver lifts Kali up again, holding her to his chest the way she likes. She doesn't seem hungry this time, pressing her paws against him and kneading, but she isn't crying anymore either. Sometimes, Carver's noticed that she gets upset when he's worked up, when he can't calm down. Maybe she can smell it on him. Something chemical.

Something in the air, maybe.

He rocks her, risking a look at Bossie. Wondering how badly he's fucked up the natural order by making one of his soldiers look after him. "I will," Carver adds softly. "Should probably take Cali in, too. Make sure everything's good with her. I keep thinking she'll get more fur, and she's not so naked now, but..."

He huffs.

"She's still pretty naked."

[nottheboss]

The worst seems to have passed. Carver's not panicking now, but there's an uneasiness to him that worries Bossie.

"We could put her in a little sweater. Austin's kid has got some little doll clothes that might fit. And she'd probably love to see a kitten all dressed up."

[fortitudosalutis]

"Yeah?" Carver lifts Kali up again, examining her. She blinks her one eye at him and he huffs, kissing her soft head. He'll never get tired of the warm milk-smell of her, or the softness of her fur. Something finer even than silk. "Wanna play dress up, huh?"

She squeaks.

"How're they doing?" Carver asks, more seriously. It's stalling, he knows, because he doesn't want to talk about his hand or the nightmare that prompted it, but this is important, too. So far they've managed to avoid any major blowouts, but they've had guests for longer than any of them anticipated. There are - growing pains.

[nottheboss]

"The kid's doing okay. She's always got someone to read to her or play with her now. The mom though..." He sighs. "She's seeing someone back home. She hasn't told Austin about him. She wants to go back to him. Austin's going to flip when he finds out..."

And there's nothing Bossie can do about it, but maybe Carver can. Austin listens to Carver, and to Gabe.

[fortitudosalutis]

Well, fuck. Carver puffs out a breath, considering that. He and Leah were able to wrangle the others and give them some talks about what counts as proper babysitting protocol - no weapons where Austin's kid can get her curious little fingers on them, for instance - but babysitting's one thing. Neither of them are Reapers. Riley at least served.

And now Austin's got hope again.

"I'll talk to him. Make sure he doesn't push too hard." Get Gabe to help so the lesson sticks. Carver rocks Kali, thinking. "They've been okay with staying so far? I figure we're gonna have to explain about the demons soon."

[nottheboss]

"So far. I mean, she thinks it's temporary. It's gotta be temporary somehow, we can't keep them here forever, can we?" Despite Austin's wishes, they can't. The kid needs school, the mom has a life, has family out there. They're not Reapers.

"But she asks me sometimes when we're out running about what kind of danger she's in and I can't tell her anything and it's getting hard for her to accept."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver nods unhappily. "Riley's pushing, too."

And Riley understands how they operate, at least pieces of it. The discipline, the drills. He knows it's built to shield against an enemy, even if he doesn't understand the scope just yet.

"It's temporary," he adds, more seriously. "It is. We just have to figure out a better defense."

[nottheboss]

He looks over at Carver, his eyes soft with worry. "How is it, having Riley here?"

[fortitudosalutis]

Ah.

Carver breathes out, looking away. He rocks Kali and strokes her back, listening to her little kitten purrs. But her lungs are strong, even if she's little, and he can feel her noise rumbling through his core.

"Hard," he admits quietly. "I miss him a lot, Bossie. Especially when he's right there."