(no subject)

[nottheboss]

It's late at night. The corridors aren't quiet; they're full of men and women restlessly trying to sleep in their quarters. Bossie should be one of them. But instead he slips barefoot down the hallway to Carver's room, where he knocks.

"Hey, man, you up?"

Comments

[nottheboss]

Bossie tucks her up against his chest and croons to her--pigeon sounds, but cats like pigeons, too.

"I'll take good care of her." And you, he doesn't say, but it's implied in the way he looks at Carver.

He gets the bottle ready, feeds Kali while he takes a seat at Carver's desk. "You want me to stay closer to you or over here?"

Bossie has trouble falling asleep if anyone is too close to him; but then he has trouble staying asleep without the weight of another person beside him. He doesn't sleep much, as a result.

[fortitudosalutis]

There’s no reason not to trust Bossie here. He’s one of Carver’s soldiers, trained and tested, and he’s kind when he has the chance to be. Korengal and the work that followed couldn’t break Bossie of that habit. Maybe it’s something inherent to him, that the world hasn’t yet been able to quash. He’s good to the cats. Sometimes he likes to point out birds to Carver and the others, brightening up whenever they don’t immediately shoot him down.

He won’t hurt Kali.

Carver scrubs at his face, then breathes out and lies down on his side on the mattress. He’s not allowed to keep knives on hand when he’s sleeping anymore, to say nothing of his sidearm. “There’s fine,” he murmurs, closing his eyes. He’d prefer having someone closer but he can’t ask Bossie to do that. Not when Carver’s nightmares so often swing violent.

[nottheboss]

Carver doesn't check under his pillow or at his side table for a weapon, and Bossie realizes he doesn't have one. It's alarming to think about--Carver sleeping here unprotected. When did that happen?

He finishes feeding Kali and cleans her up, then just holds her against his chest, keeping her warm while he watches over Carver. Maybe he'll sleep quiet for once. Maybe. He hums a lullabye, just in case.

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver covers his face with his arm, eyes closed tight. He can hear Kali drinking, attacking the bottle with everything she’s got, and then her quiet grumbling as Bossie attends her. It’s quiet, soothing in a way. Carver curls tighter into himself, slowing his breathing down deliberately. Just go to fucking sleep, he orders himself.

Eventually, he does. Exhaustion drags him under. But the nightmares twist through him before long, leaving him shaking and biting at his hands.

[nottheboss]

He knows when they start. He's familiar with Carver's sleep, enough that he doesn't move to touch him right away. "Carver," he says. And then louder, "Brandon!"

[fortitudosalutis]

It doesn’t work immediately. Carver just curls tighter into himself, shielding his head, biting down on his hand to muffle the noise. The enemy comes faceless, in shadows, holding him down with a grip like iron.

He jerks himself awake, scrabbling for a weapon that isn’t there, and nearly pitches himself off the mattress. “Fuck!”

[nottheboss]

"Hey, hey," Bossie sets Kali in her basket and reaches out to help Carver steady himself. "It's okay. We're safe."

[fortitudosalutis]

Sometimes in moments like this, Carver thinks he’s having a heart attack. That it doesn’t matter he’s still pretty goddamn young, his heart is pounding itself out of his chest and everything hurts, especially to breathe, and something has to give.

He shudders, digging his nails into the mattress. “I didn’t—did I hurt you?” Carver hisses. He can’t remember if he swung at Bossie or not.

[nottheboss]

"No, we're good." He sits on the edge of the bed, watching Carver. "It's okay. Breathe, remember? It helps. Just breathe."

[fortitudosalutis]

Breathe. You aren’t dying, you aren’t lost. Carver digs his nails into his knees, heart still pounding, his skull aching under the weight of the dream and the exhaustion that came before it. What was it that Pope told him? Count the blue things. Name them.

He breathes; too sharp, too shaky.

“Uh, fuck. Kali okay?” he tries.

[nottheboss]

"Yeah," he reaches over and picks her up again and she mewls in alarm. "Do you want to hold her? Hold her and breathe, just focus on being calm for her, okay?"

There are times that's the only thing that gets Bossie to calm down: because he's doing it for someone else.

[fortitudosalutis]

“Uh huh,” Carver manages, realizing only belatedly that his hand is throbbing. He bit himself hard enough to draw blood. But he holds his hands out for Kali, swallowing hard.

You have to be careful with the kittens. You can’t hold them too tight.

[nottheboss]

"Easy," Bossie urges, and sets her delicately in his hands. He sees the blood then and ducks into the bathroom, gets the first aid kit and comes back. "Let me see...?"

[fortitudosalutis]

“Hi, baby,” he murmurs, rubbing her gently with his fingers. She cries, distressed, and Carver starts to tuck her under his chin, going still. He holds her carefully, suddenly dumbstruck. “One of her eyes is open,” he murmurs, staring at her.

The left eye is open, a bright baby blue. She can see him.

[nottheboss]

"What? No way," Bossie forgets the bandage for a second, leaning over to see for himself. He grins. "Holy shit. You're the first thing she's ever seen, Carve."

[fortitudosalutis]

He hefts her, wiggling his fingers in front of Kali to see if she’ll track it. If she’s figured out what it means to be able to see. Her head turns and she wiggles, following the motion.

“Oh,” Carver murmurs, hopelessly charmed. For a moment, he forgets the panic of the nightmare. “Look at her, Bossie.”

[nottheboss]

"You gonna be a big hunter, huh?" He croons at her, sitting beside Carver, watching a kitten figure out a whole new dimension to the world.

"We can't ever let anything bad happen to them," he says softly to Carver. How can they live with themselves if they let anything harm these little creatures?

[fortitudosalutis]

She squeaks, wiggling, and Carver lays her down gently on his lap. She trundles over to his chest, pawing at him. Good girl, he thinks, sweet girl, and cups his hand protectively around her.

“Nothing bad,” he agrees softly. “They’ve never hurt anyone.”

Surely animals don’t deserve that.

[nottheboss]

"Look at that," Bossie murmurs. "she already knows you're her Papa."

Pope won't make them hurt these cats, he prays. He doesn't think he could bear it.

"Let me see your hand, brother. I'll get you patched up."

[fortitudosalutis]

Carver rocks, curling into himself, but ultimately offers his hand out. He can’t make himself look at Bossie. It’s not the first time he’s bitten himself. The gloves he wears hide it, though.

Pope would be ashamed. Pope taught him better.

“How big’s yours now?” Carver murmurs.

[nottheboss]

"He just started all solid food," Bossie says, not making a big thing about bandaging his brother's hand. Making like he does this every day, like no one would even look twice at them for this. "He likes fish but he hates chicken. Already got big opinions. And he's noisy, too. He's got a funny little meow, you should hear him."

He cleans the wound, dries it. Wraps it. "He's going to need shots soon. Man. Baby's first doctor visit. But cats don't get scared like human babies do, do they?"

[fortitudosalutis]

"Picky little man," Carver murmurs, stroking Kali's back. It stings a little as Bossie tends to his hand, but he doesn't flinch. If they don't acknowledge it, then maybe it didn't really happen.

A lot of wounds are like that now.

"I don't know," Carver admits. "Kali didn't like it when we were singing cadence for PT, but she got used to it eventually. Maybe they get scared of cat things."

[nottheboss]

"Aw yeah but who can blame her? Austin's always off key," he teases. He finishes wrapping Carver's hand and then he packs up the kit, and watches Carver and the kitten fondly. "Will you come with me to the vet when it's time?"

[fortitudosalutis]

"Yeah."

Carver lifts Kali up again, holding her to his chest the way she likes. She doesn't seem hungry this time, pressing her paws against him and kneading, but she isn't crying anymore either. Sometimes, Carver's noticed that she gets upset when he's worked up, when he can't calm down. Maybe she can smell it on him. Something chemical.

Something in the air, maybe.

He rocks her, risking a look at Bossie. Wondering how badly he's fucked up the natural order by making one of his soldiers look after him. "I will," Carver adds softly. "Should probably take Cali in, too. Make sure everything's good with her. I keep thinking she'll get more fur, and she's not so naked now, but..."

He huffs.

"She's still pretty naked."

[nottheboss]

The worst seems to have passed. Carver's not panicking now, but there's an uneasiness to him that worries Bossie.

"We could put her in a little sweater. Austin's kid has got some little doll clothes that might fit. And she'd probably love to see a kitten all dressed up."